Reflections on the 40th Anniversary

This week, my wife and I are celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. I believe the second best thing that happened in my life, after finding Jesus, was meeting my wife and marrying her. I am a far better person because I am married to her.

She has been a wonderful wife, a devoted mother to our children, and a faithful companion through every season of life. She has patiently endured much because of me—moving from place to place, adjusting to life in multiple countries and many homes, putting up with my long and frequent absences due to work and travel, and faithfully standing beside me as my prayer partner over the years.

That does not mean our marriage has been without disagreements, differences, or occasional tussles. We have certainly had our share of difficult moments. Most of them, if I am honest, arising from my own short-sightedness, selfishness, or failure to see things from her perspective. Yet, by God’s grace, I would like to think we have grown together.

As we celebrate this milestone, I found myself looking through Scripture for a picture of a perfect marriage. Surprisingly, or perhaps not so surprisingly, I could not find one.

Our first couple, Adam and Eve, did not begin well after the fall; Adam quickly shifted blame to Eve. Abraham and Sarah had their own struggles, and later Isaac repeated his father’s failure, placing Rebekah at risk to protect himself. We need not dwell on Jacob, two wives, two concubines, and the rivalry that followed. Nor are the stories of David or Solomon particularly reassuring when it comes to marriage. I would like to think some grew stronger with age—perhaps Abraham and Sarah did. But even there, questions remain. Did Abraham tell Sarah that God had asked him to offer Isaac as a sacrifice? If he did, I can only imagine that conversation. If he did not, that raises a different set of questions. I thought perhaps Priscilla and Aquila might be the closest thing to a model couple. They shared not only a tentmaking business but also a common calling in ministry, serving side by side and opening their home in hospitality to visiting preachers and fellow disciples. Then again, maybe they seem ideal simply because Scripture does not tell us much about their marriage.

I suspect many biblical marriages were more complex than the text reveals. So my biblical survey of marriage left me wanting. And perhaps that is the point. The Bible does not present us with perfect marriages because there are none—only imperfect people learning, failing, forgiving, and growing under the grace of God. Maybe the goal of marriage is not perfection but sanctification. Two flawed people, over decades, learning to die to self, extend grace, repent, forgive, laugh, endure, and keep choosing one another.

Forty years later, I am grateful, not because we built a perfect marriage, but because God has been faithful in the midst of our imperfections. And for that, I am deeply thankful.